In a kingdom, a band of heroes were summoned to defeat an evil villain. King Evan ordered that the kingdom be scoured for such heroes that could indeed defeat such an evil villain as General Leo, a disgruntled ex-Knight who kidnapped the princess.
After much scouring, the King gave up and sent for whoever happened to be in the local pub. After much struggling, cursing, and excuses, four worthy adventurers were put before the King.
The able swordsman Fred was the first, and therefore the leader of this party of heroes. He was skilled in the arts of Swordjitsu, and carried a sword larger than himself.
Second, was the cunning thief, Rick, who could steal the clothes off a guard without the guard noticing. After being brought before the King, he was forced to return all the valuables he had stolen from the castle, including the King’s golden toilet.
Third, the young apprentice black mage Gilbert, whose secret goal was to take over the world, and who liked to roast small forest creatures by practicing his fire magic.
Fourth, was the young white mage Lisa, who had the ability to heal anyone, but who refused to hurt any living thing.
The King sent them on their way, giving them all that the kingdom had to offer, which was a bit of money and a couple of wooden sticks to fight off monsters with. Their first task was to, of course, save the princess from General Leo.
“The great King Evan has charged us with recovering his daughter!” said Fred. “Since everyone knows that General Leo’s Secret Lair of Doom is in the Forest Where Travelers Disappear, we must go there!”
“Wait a sec,” said Rick. “How could anyone know where General Leo is hiding if his lair is so secret, and no one comes back from the forest?”
“Well, why would the man whom I gave all our money to, lie to us?” replied Fred.
“Well, it’s a good thing I stole back all the money from h—I mean you really shouldn’t have done that,” said Rick.
Suddenly, a squirrel appeared.
“Oh, target practice!” said Gilbert maniacally, as he shot a volley of flame towards the hapless squirrel.
“You fiend!” yelled Lisa in horror, “How can you kill such a cute little squirrelly?”
“Because it’s fun!” replied Gilbert uncaringly.
“I wouldn’t do that though,” said Lisa.
“Why? Whose gonna stop me?” asked Gilbert.
“Well, see, there’s a reason why it’s called the Forest Where Travelers Disappear!”
“Ha, that’s just an old wives te—GET THEM OFF ME! GET THEM OFF ME!!” shouted Gilbert as he was attacked by an angry mob of squirrels.
Many hours later, after much yelling, running from squirrels, Lisa healing them, and wondering aimlessly through the Forest Where Travelers Disappear, they arrived suddenly at General Leo’s Secret Lair of Doom.
“How do you know that this is General Leo’s Secret Lair of Doom?” asked Lisa.
“Well just read the sign - General Leo’s Secret Lair of Doom Right Here,” replied Fred.
And so the heroes found the lair, and also found General Leo who at first offered them some tea, but after the heroes refused, and demanded that he free the princess, he got very angry, threw a tantrum, and finally, drew his sword.
Fred took out his sword, which was almost twice the size of him, and quickly found that he could not carry it properly without falling over. In desperation, he swung wildly about for about an hour. This was able to keep General Leo who didn’t want to get cut, at bay for a while.
Meanwhile, Rick went off and stole all of the treasure from the Secret Lair, which included a Castle. He even took the gold off of the gold-plated floors of the treasury.
After watching Fred spinning around, Gilbert decided it was time to do something. He promptly asked Lisa out on a date. Lisa responded by knocking Gilbert unconscious.
After an hour, Fred got tired, and General Leo prepared to strike Fred, but in his haste, he feel into one of the bottomless pits he had lain about as ineffective traps.
Unfortunately, with all the time wasted with Fred trying to not be dizzy, Rick trying to move the entire treasury, and Lisa trying to revive Gilbert, the heroes realized too late that the princess had escaped on her own. Back at the castle, the King decided that since the princess escaped without the help of the heroes, he could not reward the heroes for anything. Unhappy with this result, the heroes went back to the local pub.